Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Holy mumps, Batman!
So many of you may have heard the news that the mumps is going around on college campuses. What you also may have heard is that mumps is going around Iowa.
Now, if you put the two together, you get the mumps, going around college campuses, in Iowa.
Which means...da da da daaa...Loras College!
Yes, we've had the mumps circulating for a while now. And it's a pretty fun routine, finding people checking their glands in their throats every so often and rejoicing in the fact that they are (presumably) mumps-free. However, we've also all turned into psycho-hypochondriacs, and the slightest headache or sore throat has become a sure sign of the mumps - which means an automatic "Get thee to quarantine!"
It's true. We have to be quarantined (for FIVE WHOLE DAYS). Quarantines are being handed out here like candy at a parade. If you think you might have the mumps - quarantine yourself. If you think your friend might have the mumps - both of you...quarantine! And if you're just not quite sure...it never hurts to go right on ahead and...quarantine.
Now, you always get the daredevils, who walk around with one of those pretend-surgical blue masks that's really only keeping out 98% of dust mites and mold spores. They're the ones that are either a) not willing to miss class for a little ol' thing like the mumps, or b) bitter that they caught it, and think everyone else might as well too.
The incubation period for said disease is something like 24 days (I'm probably wrong...but it's a lot...trust me), so we're thinking we all have it, and our bodies are acting like the incubators you see baby chicks in at the petting zoo, just waiting for the virus to manifest itself.
And just so you know I'm not making this up:
The Center for Disease Control was on campus today. From Atlanta, Georgia. To "monitor the situation."
Rumor has it they're quarantining the entire campus. Realistically, that's about as sensical and likely as the White Sox winning the World Series ever again. BUT, it does make you realize the severity of the problem we've got on our hands here in Iowa.
So, as a Public Service announcement (sans annoying beeping), I would like to inform anyone in the Midwest, or anyone thinking about visiting the Midwest, particularly the Iowa region, to get yourself one of those SARS masks, to not touch anything or anyone, and to remember...when you start to feel even the slightest signs of illness...
QUARANTINE!
And just as a little reading material:
The word mump comes from either lump or mumble. We're not sure.
So many of you may have heard the news that the mumps is going around on college campuses. What you also may have heard is that mumps is going around Iowa.
Now, if you put the two together, you get the mumps, going around college campuses, in Iowa.
Which means...da da da daaa...Loras College!
Yes, we've had the mumps circulating for a while now. And it's a pretty fun routine, finding people checking their glands in their throats every so often and rejoicing in the fact that they are (presumably) mumps-free. However, we've also all turned into psycho-hypochondriacs, and the slightest headache or sore throat has become a sure sign of the mumps - which means an automatic "Get thee to quarantine!"
It's true. We have to be quarantined (for FIVE WHOLE DAYS). Quarantines are being handed out here like candy at a parade. If you think you might have the mumps - quarantine yourself. If you think your friend might have the mumps - both of you...quarantine! And if you're just not quite sure...it never hurts to go right on ahead and...quarantine.
Now, you always get the daredevils, who walk around with one of those pretend-surgical blue masks that's really only keeping out 98% of dust mites and mold spores. They're the ones that are either a) not willing to miss class for a little ol' thing like the mumps, or b) bitter that they caught it, and think everyone else might as well too.
The incubation period for said disease is something like 24 days (I'm probably wrong...but it's a lot...trust me), so we're thinking we all have it, and our bodies are acting like the incubators you see baby chicks in at the petting zoo, just waiting for the virus to manifest itself.
And just so you know I'm not making this up:
The Center for Disease Control was on campus today. From Atlanta, Georgia. To "monitor the situation."
Rumor has it they're quarantining the entire campus. Realistically, that's about as sensical and likely as the White Sox winning the World Series ever again. BUT, it does make you realize the severity of the problem we've got on our hands here in Iowa.
So, as a Public Service announcement (sans annoying beeping), I would like to inform anyone in the Midwest, or anyone thinking about visiting the Midwest, particularly the Iowa region, to get yourself one of those SARS masks, to not touch anything or anyone, and to remember...when you start to feel even the slightest signs of illness...
QUARANTINE!
And just as a little reading material:
The word mump comes from either lump or mumble. We're not sure.
